Well, what a week and a half its been!! Our beautiful trio are now 10 days old and seem to be doing great.
It’s been a whirlwind to be honest, even though we’ve had a baby before you some how forget the craziness of the first few weeks! Going back to the Tuesday evening the night after having the girls, I felt totally euphoric (partly the amount of drugs in my system but mostly for bringing these little miracles into the world!)
The nurses in recovery were great, we had the normal ‘post pregnancy’ tea and toast while Steve called our parents and the important people in our lives to tell them I’d had the babies. Steve showed me the photos of the girls that he’d taken straight after the birth and also some during, they were incredible! I will always remember that feeling, a mixture of happiness, love and proudness in myself for being able to carry them in my tummy for so long and to now be hearing their little cries for the first time, just amazing!
Once my legs had come back to after the epidural a nurse came round and helped me into a wheelchair and took us down to see our girls. It was so surreal to see them all present and correct in their little incubators, I remember thinking they look tiny but not as small as I’d thought they’d be… How did they all fit!!!??
After a few tears and a lot of staring we went back to recovery, it feels a bit blurry for the next 12 hours, in and out of sleep, lots of pain killers, being woken for obs then around 4am I was taken up to my room where I did a lot of the same!
Steve arrived I was still on a high from everything, I’d asked him to speak to my folks and his Mum as I wanted them to visit with Flo, I also wanted a cuddle from my Mum (anyone whose had a baby, traumatic or not will understand it’s such a big thing you just need a hug from your Mum!). They arrived in the afternoon it was so good to see Flo and she was excited to see me and even more excited to ride on the wheelchair with mummy!! We took them in to see our 3 new daughters, and Flo’s little sisters, it was very special, the staff were amazing they gelled her hands and allowed her to put her hand on each of the girls heads, she introduced herself to each one individually, she then said “Mummy their so cute, can we take them home?” My hormonal self did well to hold back the tears!!
The next couple of days were quite painful, I felt so sore where I’d been cut open, once they took the catheter out even going to the loo felt painful. As the next couple of days went on my hormones were all over the place, I started crying for no reason, and going into see the girls would set me off. I remember all these feelings from before so knew this was normal, hormones, broken sleep, tiredness, and now the added job of expressing my breast milk. I know as soon as the girls come home I’ll be formula feeding, and I also knew that while I’m in hospital myself and while the girls are in hospital I want to express as much/long as I can, it’s my way of feeling like I’m helping give them something to get them stronger. I’d forgotten the initial pain once your milk comes in, jeeeez!! Also the hand expressing before you can go on a machine, why does everything have to be so painful, there really does feel nothing ‘natural’ about this pregnancy and baby malarkey!
As the days passed in Oxford the girls continued to do well increasing the amount to their hourly feeds, Amber and Erin both needed to go under the lights as they slightly dropped below the line for jaundice, Eden started well then had a little dip with her lungs so her sisters over took her on feeds and coming off their oxygen, with Erin the smallest coming off her air completely by the weekend! We also got the very first Mummy Daddy cuddle with all the girls, we both had them skin to skin it was so nice to get that time together.
I was discharged from Oxford after 5 days, it was very hard to leave the girls, even though you know they are in the best place it just felt strange to be leaving not one but three things that belong to you, I’ve carried them for 32 weeks and have been in the same place since they were born, I felt torn as I didn’t want to leave but I also wanted to be at home with my daughter and husband. I returned for the next two days the girls all gradually came off their air which was so nice to see their beautiful faces without the tubes up their nose, they also informed me that they had three beds available in Northampton on Gosset ward, I felt ecstatic, hopefully by the end of the week they’d all be back close to home!!
Just as we were arriving home we got the phone call that all three girls would definitely be transferred through the night that night!! I rang through to Northampton to see if we could go down to meet the staff and be there once they arrived, Eden and Amber arrived first around 11pm they were going back to collect Erin. I can’t thank Oxford enough for their amazing work and support throughout our pregnancy and at the start of our girls lives, the care was totally incredible, I feel sad to be leaving there but also glad we are now so close to our home and the girls are on a fantastic ward with really kind, caring staff that I know will look after them so well.
It still feels strange not to have our little ones with us at home, I do keep looking at their cots thinking they should be in them now, but know they have just got to grow a bit more before we can be a family. I have pangs of guilt that I’m not with them enough, but I have to remember they are premature they need special care, I still have another little one to look after, and because I can’t drive (due to the section) it makes logistics difficult.
I know there will be good days and bad days but as long as we stay positive they’ll be just fine!