Well the girls are now 4 weeks old, the first milestone of I hope, many! It feels like I’ve never been without them now, yet it also feels like we have been in hospital forever. They are all doing so well, yesterday saw Erin catch up to her sisters and make it into a cot, it’s so amazing to be able to see all the girls at the same time rather than having to peer around incubators!
I am so proud of how they are all doing, Eden has had her feeding tube removed from her nose and is taking bottles at each feed, it’s crazy she’s like a ‘proper’ baby!! Amber and Erin are both taking bottles and being tube fed in between, sometimes, because they are still small they get tired easily so they just need to build up to taking a bottle at each feed, they will get there and I’m sure it won’t be long!
They have had various tests over the last week, they have to do urine samples, blood tests, hearing tests and a premature eye test which is pretty horrific when they winch the eyeball open and scrape a tool around to see the blood vessels at the back of the eye, they cried…I obviously cried!! I do feel so positive with how the girls are doing, but there are days when the emotions get the better of you, (like the eyeball day!) I know they are in the best place to help them grow, but it also doesn’t stop the feelings of wanting them home with you. I see other mums out and about with their new little ones, or post pictures to facebook of their family at home and it makes me wish we were able to have them with us at home. I know it won’t be for much longer so I try to pick myself back up and look for the positives in our situation…
1- Recovery: I had a c section and it’s made me think about all the mummies out there that have had one, then had to care for their newborn straight away, or if they have more than one child, hats off to you ladies!! It was hard enough shuffling to a wheelchair and being taken down to see my babies special care, but for most women they don’t get the time to recover properly at least I’ve had time to recover from what is a major operation. 2-Sanity: I feel almost lucky to have had premature babies, the nurses and midwives in Northampton and Oxford have been so kind, understanding and helpful with everything. I felt a failure when I had Flo that she couldn’t breastfeed properly, and as no one at the time was there to say ‘your doing a good job’ and kept pushing breast feeding. I felt more and more of a failure, I already started out on the wrong foot, so for a time I thought I was crap at everything! (Little did I know that was all the hormones etc and is quite normal, but I’d never experienced it so had no idea!) this time around it’s been totally different, even the smallest amount of milk I produced I was made to feel amazing, anytime I’d change my extremely tiny baby I’d feel proud as they said how well I was doing, and learning how to tube feed your little one your made to feel incredible and that your a great mum for being able to feed them yourself. This may all sound ridiculous, but trust me these amazing people have and are continuing to keep me sane! 3-Siblings: it has been really good for us being able to bring Flo in gradually to help her understand the fact she has now got 3 sisters, it’s been good for us to explain to her that the babies are small and need help before they come home, she’s been able to help care for them, bath and cuddle them which has been great! So we’ve tried to look at it as a good transition into home life, I think it’s enough of a shock for siblings when one baby decends on ‘their’ home let alone 3!
So we just keep plodding onward and upward, the girls get that little bit stronger each day, that’s what the fab nurses and doctors say on Gosset ward. They are unbelievable, it’s not until you have a premature baby you realise the work that even goes on, these men and women love their jobs and you can tell, they always welcome you with a smile, they are quick to help you in any situation, no question is ever too much to answer, and of course they care for each and every baby so kindly. I feel that once it is time to go home i’ll be so equipt and ready to look after our 3 beauties and Flo…and Steve!!!!!!!